These Arms of Mine Read online

  “What’s going on here?”

  “What does it look like?” Derrick’s disdain was evident. “I was about to make love to my wife,” he told Robert.

  Robert’s eyes darkened in fury and he lunged for Derrick, snarling, “Why you son of a…”

  Alesha quickly positioned her small frame between them, and exclaimed with her back to Derrick, “Stop it!”

  Derrick’s hands automatically moved to her waist, encircling it, making Robert aware that she was his wife—a wife whom he could touch anytime he pleased.

  Alesha didn’t move away, seeking to forestall any further scene between them. Instead, she asked her brother, “Robert, why are you here?”

  “To see how you’re doing.” His eyes narrowed as they darted to Derrick’s hands still encircling her waist, his flat palm resting on her stomach possessively.

  “As you can see, we were doing fine before we were interrupted.” Derrick’s hand possessively pulled her back against him.

  “Derrick, please.” She turned to stare at him. “Let me speak with Robert alone.”

  “You don’t have to ask his permission!”

  “Nor does she have to explain anything to you.” Derrick smiled at Robert’s indignation. “Whatever predicament Alesha finds herself in is not her fault—it’s yours.”

  “Why, you…” Robert began moving toward Derrick again.

  “Derrick, Robert, stop it!” Alesha placed a hand on each one’s chest, trying to keep them apart.

  “Alesha, I need to speak with you—alone,” Robert said pointedly, his eyes spitting darts at her husband, who smiled at his expression, infuriating the other man more.

  “Derrick, please leave us alone.” She turned to look at him imploringly, both of her hands now on his chest.

  He looked as if he were about to refuse, but something in her eyes made him relent. She could automatically sense this. It was remarkable how she had learned to read him—when he wanted her to, she amended. She lowered her hands from his chest, knowing he was about to acquiesce to her request.

  “I’ll be upstairs in our bedroom.” Then, for Robert’s benefit and his own pleasure, he bent and kissed her on the mouth before leaving.

  Without preamble, Robert began, “What on earth are you doing?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You’re sleeping with him!”

  She defiantly shot back, “Of course I am—I’m his wife. What did you expect?”

  “I thought he would have some scruples!” Robert didn’t bother to lower his voice.

  “Oh, Robert, for heaven’s sake!” She raked shaky fingers through her mussed hair. “Derrick’s running for office. He can’t be seen around town with other women when he’s married to me. So I have to perform my wifely duties.” She resented having to explain her relationship with her husband to him.

  “I can’t believe what I’m hearing! You’re defending him? What happened to my little sister?”

  “She grew up.”

  “How can you allow him to touch you?” Robert refused to comprehend her behavior.

  One word quickly sprang to her mind to answer her brother’s question—easily. It was no hardship experiencing Derrick’s touch, just as it wasn’t repugnant living with him as his wife and his lover.

  “How could I stop him?” She wished he would leave.

  “Do you mean he forces himself…”

  “No.” She shook her head.

  “Then what?” He motioned with his hands, begging for understanding.

  She closed her eyes and then opened them again to stare at her brother. “Robert, I’m his wife.” She prayed he would leave it at that. He didn’t.

  “So? You’re not his possession.” He grabbed her shoulders and shook her slightly.

  She pulled out of his grasp. “What do you want from me?”

  “I want you to come with me. We have to get you out of here.” He grabbed her hand.

  “No!”

  She wrenched her hand from him. His suggestion was repulsive to her. She didn’t stop to consider why.

  “Why not?”

  “Have you forgotten why I married him?”

  “It doesn’t matter any longer.”

  “It does matter!” she responded hotly. “I won’t have Mom find out what either of us has done. It would kill her.”

  “Sis, you’ve got to listen…”

  “No, you listen.” Her voice was deadly serious, though quiet. “I am not going to leave Derrick.”

  “Why not?”

  She evaded his eyes. “Because I’m not.”

  “That’s not an answer, Alesha.” He watched her closely and illumination widened his eyes. “Do you want to stay here? Is that it?”

  That was exactly it, but how could she admit that to him? Would he understand that the man she had married to cover up her brother’s theft was a man she never wanted to be parted from?

  “Robert, I’m not going to discuss my marriage with you.”

  “Alesha…”

  “Robert, I love you.” Her voice lost much of its sting. “But I don’t want to hear another word from you about this—okay?” At his reluctant nod, she kissed his cheek. “Good. I’ll talk to you later.”

  She turned and walked up the stairs, leaving him staring after her. He wouldn’t have believed it had he not witnessed it—she cared for Derrick and, from the scene he had interrupted, Derrick felt something for her, too. He smiled slightly before walking to the front door. Damned if he had expected this turn of events. And he doubted that either of them had.

  As she slowly entered the bedroom, she found Derrick sitting on the sofa by the window, papers strewn around him. He looked up.

  “How did it go?” He walked over to her.

  “All right.” She walked away from him to sit at her vanity table.

  He frowned. “Just all right?”

  “Do you want a blow by blow?” She didn’t want to talk about Robert. She needed to think.

  “I want to know if I should expect another visit from your brother.”

  “Don’t worry. I don’t think Robert will be back without an invitation.”

  “Good.” His response was brief and cool.

  He watched her. As usual, when he was around his wife, strange emotions began to surface in him. Why did he have an almost overwhelming urge to simply hold her and tell her everything would be all right?

  Without thinking, he reached out and placed a hand lightly on her shoulder. She jumped from the unexpected contact and he immediately removed his fingers, the kind words he had been about to utter vanishing just as suddenly as they had appeared.

  “Don’t worry. I’m not going to try to finish what we started downstairs.”

  He turned and walked toward the door, stopping to pick up his papers from the sofa. He was obviously angry. She glanced up and encountered his cool eyes in the mirror.

  “Where are you going?”

  “To the study to finish my speech for tomorrow night.” He turned away. Something made him turn and face her again. “Unless you want me to stay.”

  She hesitated shortly before responding. What she really wanted was for him to hold her close and make her forget everything except him. However, she couldn’t admit that. Or, more to the point, she wouldn’t.

  “You go ahead. I think I’ll turn in.” She lowered her eyes so that he wouldn’t glimpse the misery behind them.

  “Good night, then.”

  When she raised her eyes again, he was gone. She lowered her aching head into her hand, trying to make sense out of the situation. Her feelings were so jumbled, so mixed-up. If anyone asked her what day it was, she didn’t think she would be able to corr
ectly tell them. Just when she had come to some sort of inner peace about her relationship with Derrick, it seemed that life was throwing up obstacle after obstacle to undermine her tenuous hold on happiness.

  She slowly stood and walked over to the bed before sitting down heavily on it. She stared at the door through which Derrick had exited moments earlier. She wanted to ask him what she meant to him. Where did he see their marriage going, if anywhere? Was she more to him than just a means to get elected? She wanted to ask all those things, but she couldn’t—not until she was ready to impart a few truths of her own. She wanted to bare her soul to him, but she was afraid of being rejected. She knew he desired her, but did his feelings go any deeper than that?

  Things had been going so well on their honeymoon, but ever since they had returned, the fragile happiness and peace they had attained had been sorely tested by outside forces, namely Diana and now Robert. Her feelings for Derrick placed her in enough inner turmoil—she didn’t need anything or anyone adding to her already confused state.

  One monumental certainty pierced through the fog of her mind—she wanted to remain Mrs. Chandler. Derrick wanted her physically, but did he want a life with her forever? The answer to that single question held the key to her future happiness.

  Derrick stared blankly at the pages in front of him. His mind continued to stray to Alesha. Her demeanor a short while ago had baffled and angered him. She was so damn frustrating! Didn’t she realize how much he wanted her?

  “Dammit!” He hit the top of his desk in frustration. Last night it had been Diana and tonight Robert who had caused unnecessary friction between him and his wife. He seriously entertained the thought of whisking her away from everything and everyone. They seemed to get along so much better when they were all alone. Since they had returned to civilization, all they seemed to do was fight, and he hated that.

  At that thought, he tried reminding himself that he was using Alesha as a means to an end—that was all. But he knew he was lying. He could no more stop caring about her than he could stop breathing. He had thought of little else for the years they had been separated. Now that they were together again, she had easily and quickly become an essential part of his life.

  He looked forward to coming home to her and talking with her. He loved the fresh way she made everything seem to him. Most of all, he delighted in the way she made him feel. When they made love, there was an undeniable blending of hearts and minds. When they touched on purpose or accidentally, something dormant in him sprang to life—instinctively, he knew it was the same way for her. He needed her. She was crucial to his well-being and his happiness.

  God, when had he lost control? What was he going to do to get it back? He sighed as he admitted he had never had any control as far as Alesha was concerned. There was no use in lying to himself anymore about that.

  He glanced at his watch and his eyes wandered to the papers strewn carelessly on his desk. He hadn’t gotten a thing done. All he had accomplished in the past two and a half hours was to think about Alesha. Sighing once again, he stood and rubbed his tired eyes. All he wanted to do was go to bed, lie down next to his wife and feel complete and whole as only she could make him feel.

  She heard the bedroom door opening as Derrick came in. She was lying in bed on her back, pretending to be asleep. She heard him stop beside her before going into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. Seconds later, she heard the shower running.

  She lay there, wanting to tell him how miserable she was feeling and have him comfort her. She longed to have him lie down beside her and tell her he could no longer envision his life without her, because that was definitely the way she felt about him.

  Derrick emerged from the bathroom a few minutes later, switched off the light and slipped into bed. She forced herself to remain still, her back turned toward him. The heat from his body radiated toward hers and she wished for it to enclose her, dispelling the arctic chill that had encased her heart and flesh.

  Suddenly, he rolled over until her back touched his chest and stomach. She nearly purred because it felt so good to be close to him, especially when a warm, strong arm encircled her waist and held her soothingly.

  “Alesha?” he said, his warm breath sending shivers of desire down her spine. He softly kissed her ear. “Relax. I have no intention of trying to force myself on you.”

  His statement was unnecessary. They both knew he wouldn’t be forcing her. She would give herself to him willingly, as she always had.

  “Derrick…” She paused, not knowing what to say, or rather how to articulate what she desperately wanted from him. So she remained silent.

  He pulled her closer still. “I know the confrontation with your brother was hard for you. Let me help. Let me hold you.”

  She couldn’t believe her ears. Why was it she never knew what he was going to do next? His sincere, kind words affected her more than she would have thought possible. If only he would go a few steps further and confess his feelings.

  She allowed herself to completely relax, and her hand moved slowly to rest on his as he pulled her near. She closed her eyes and he kissed her neck before resting his head by hers on the pillow. Neither made any further attempt to speak, and before she knew it, her eyes began to droop, but not before the fierce cold that had invaded her body was replaced by comforting warmth, safety and security, unlike any she had ever experienced. Soon her troubled thoughts began to dissipate, making way for restful, much-needed sleep in her husband’s tender embrace.

  Derrick continued to hold her. He felt the even rise and fall of her chest, indicating that she was fast asleep. Her soft form melted perfectly against his. Her fingers were entwined with his as they rested on her stomach.

  Thoughts he had squelched earlier resurfaced, and again he wondered why he felt an overwhelming sense of protectiveness toward her. He pulled her nearer. She shifted slightly and then stilled. He inhaled deeply the wonderful fragrance of her hair, and he acknowledged that he truly thought of her as his wife—not just as a tool to get him elected or as an enemy to punish. He cared about her deeply—why else did the thought of her leaving him on the day their arrangement ended suddenly cause an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach that felt much like agony?

  He shifted slowly so as not to disturb her, removing his arm from her waist to lie on his back, one hand behind his head. He stared at the ceiling. In a few short months, she had insinuated herself into his life so much that he couldn’t even remember what it had been like without her or, more importantly, he didn’t want to remember what it had been like without her. Before seeing her again, he had thought he was content; yet, he now knew that had been a lie. She had brought happiness and meaning into his life, which was something he admitted he had been sorely lacking for a long, long time—since he had last been with her. She made him whole. God, she made him happy.

  Alesha suddenly turned until she was lying with her head on his chest. Her arm rested across his waist, and one of her legs sprawled lazily across his.

  “Derrick,” she whispered contentedly before stilling.

  He immediately noted how good she felt against him, as if that was where she had always belonged. Here in his arms was where he always wanted her to be. He tenderly stroked her soft hair before moving to massage her shoulder and back. She sighed comfortably and snuggled deeper into his chest. Her arm moved up to rest in the base of his neck before stilling again.

  His arms pulled her closer and he smiled self-mockingly. He had been emotionally snared in a trap of his own making—one he didn’t at all want to escape from. He just prayed Alesha felt the same way.

  The next morning, Alesha stretched languidly in bed. She could not remember when she had experienced such a peaceful sleep. She reached out her hand in Derrick’s direction, but found him gone, much to her disappointment.

  She glanced at the crystal clock on the
nightstand and saw it was a little after nine. He was probably long gone for the office. Rolling onto her back, she lazily pushed strands of tousled hair away from her eyes as wonderful memories of last night engulfed her.

  Her husband had held and comforted her all night long. He had given of his strength unselfishly, and had demanded nothing in return from her. She would never forget how wonderful he had been to her.

  She gently touched the place on her pillow where his head had lain. A smile appeared across her face. A very tangible soft spot had formed in her heart for Derrick, and there was nothing she could do to keep it from growing. Her mind tried to convince her that she was in grave danger, yet, remarkably, her heart didn’t feel that way at all. She felt totally comfortable with where her relationship with Derrick was heading. She wouldn’t allow anything or anyone to spoil the happiness she now felt. She laughed aloud. She was happy—Derrick made her happy and, in her heart, she knew he felt the same way about being married to her.

  She lounged around in bed a few seconds longer, contemplating their future before donning a flimsy robe over her silky black gown and going downstairs. For once she would allow herself the luxury of having an unhurried breakfast—remarkably, the entire day was hers to do with as she wished. She had no political functions to attend, until tonight, and no speeches to make. She planned to have a long visit with her mother later and just indulge herself by doing absolutely nothing.

  The house was quiet, confirming her suspicions that Derrick had already left. As she passed his study door, though, she heard a voice. Her heart leaped in gladness with the realization that he was still home. Without thinking, she opened the door and went in.

  “Derrick, I thought you…” She stopped in midsentence as she found him sitting behind his desk, phone poised in one hand.

  She was about to exit when he motioned for her to enter. She only had to wait several seconds before he wrapped up his phone conversation and stood. As he walked over to her, he noticed with satisfaction her relaxed fresh appearance and felt good that he had helped contribute to it.